


tell my why my gods look like you

by LibertyWasTaken



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Drunken Confessions, M/M, Marijuana, crossfaded
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 05:39:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17574923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibertyWasTaken/pseuds/LibertyWasTaken
Summary: (TEEN AND UP FOR SUBSTANCE AND ALCOHOL USE)As the New Year begins, and Valentines Day approaches, Alex gets lonely and in his feelings.Will invites Alex to shoot their latest video, "The Worst Self Defence Videos," but Will wants to get a little crossfaded beforehand. Emotional and desperate for attention, Alex shares a drunken confession with Will after the video is done.Title is from "1950" by King Princess, I listened to it a lot while writing this.





	tell my why my gods look like you

**Author's Note:**

> It took me two days to write this. This is my first work on this account, and in the commentary community, so any feedback is appreciated and cherished! Rated Teen and Up for substance and alcohol usage. Do not try this at home! This is strictly for entertainment purposes! I ran this through grammarly to edit it and it erased all my bold/italics, so apologies for that as well!  
> This takes place both after and during the filming of "The Worst Self Defence Videos" on Will's channel which was just a goldmine of sexual tension. It all started because @nathicoroo on tumblr said: "This video was hilarious but I can't lie they both looked high." And of course, the manhandling.  
> Enjoy please!

“Christ, Al, I think I’m in love with you.”  
Alex froze in his steps, his ears ringing, his heartbeat thrumming his neck. It seems like all of a sudden his mouth went dry and he couldn’t focus on anything except the scene that was unfolding before him. He heard the front door close by itself, leaving the pizza guy walking out. Will just lost himself in a fit of laughter, hopping up from his seat on the couch as if he weighed nothing, bouncing his way over happily to Alex and taking the box of pizza from his hands.  
“Oh,” Alex responds. It wasn’t a statement or a question. It was almost a noise he wasn’t even aware it slipped out. His hand that held the pizza box up was still hovering in the air, his fingertips starting to grow cold where they were once warmed. He lowers it too quickly, shoving it in his pocket like he couldn’t trust it. He hates being high. He loves it, but he hates it. He turns into this awkward human that doesn’t know how to handle his own body. Like a newborn deer. A newborn deer that can’t differentiate between an obvious joke and an actual declaration of love.  
“-right, mate?”  
“Huh?” Alex caught Will’s light eyes, unaware he’d ever broken eye contact with them.  
“Said, ‘you alright, mate?’” Will reached out, putting a hand on Alex’s shoulder. The touch made him jump slightly at first, but then it sent lightning bolts down to his elbow and his fingertips, and all the way into his chest. He practically leaned into it. This just caused Will to chuckle a bit. “Y’fuckin’ lightweight, you are. Come on, let’s get some carbs in ya.”  
Before Alex could speak or even register what was happening, Will’s hand had slipped into his, and he was pulling him towards the kitchen.  
God, the kitchen was a mess. Not that Alex’s was any better, but this was especially bad. They had just gotten finished filming “Will And Alex Learn: Self Defense,” which Will said he didn’t want to do sober. Or maybe he just wanted an excuse to have Alex over longer. The thought almost made him feel proud or flattered, but it was probably for naught. One side of the sink was half full of dishes, and the other was piled with glass beer bottles that Will insisted he was draining before he put them in the recycling bin. On top of the eating bar was a few unopened bottles of wine, wraps that ranged in flavor simply scattered around like he had trouble choosing earlier that day, and a few empty beer bottles as well. It was a mess, but kind of a chaotic, good mess, like the party wasn’t over yet and you didn’t have to worry about cleaning. That was the way Alex felt around Will - like a stupid teenager at a dumb party.  
Will eventually let go of his hand, stepping into the fluorescent lighting of the kitchen and setting the pizza down with a thud. Alex looked around himself for a moment, unsure of what to do, before he pulled out a stool and sat down at the bar.  
Alex kept his eyes on the other man closely, watching him as he grabbed two plates from the cabinet and setting them out. “What do you want to drink?”  
“Uh,” Alex responded, causing Will to meet his eye curiously. He swallowed quickly. “Jack and Coke.”  
Will snickered, putting a slice of pepperoni pizza on a plate. “Sure you’re okay to drink?”  
Alex leaned forward, setting his elbows on the counter, trying to look somewhat relaxed. He wet both his lips, staring down at the wraps on the counter. “I can… just stay with you, if I’m not.”  
It wasn’t a question. More of a fact. A demand, almost.  
Will moved to the fridge, grabbing a cup out of the cabinet right beside it and putting some ice in it. His eyes glanced over the shelves. “Ginger ale work instead?”  
“Yeah.”  
He pulled out a can of ginger ale, tucking it under his arm as he shut the fridge, grabbing the whiskey from the counter and moving back towards Alex, handing him the stuff to make it instead. Alex blinked at it for a moment as he slid the can, bottle and cup his way, before setting to work. He didn’t even bother asking for a shot glass to measure, he took the cap off the bottle and poured - what he estimated - to be three shots, but in reality was about five. He poured every drop of the Jack Daniels out. Granted, it was already nearly empty. He set the bottle aside, opening up his can of ginger ale and pouring it over top.  
“How many slices you want?” Will asked, noticing the empty bottle but saying nothing. Alex stared down at his cup, almost overflowing as he moved it around in his hand a bit to mix it.  
“Not hungry,” Alex said, taking a long drink.  
Will slouched his shoulders, cocking his head to the side and giving Alex an annoyed look.  
“What? I’m not.”  
“Look, mate, if you’re gonna get crossfaded in my apartment, you’re gonna eat so you don’t throw up everywhere,” Will put a slice of pizza on the other plate before Alex could protest, sliding the plate towards him. He had to drop his drink to grab it before it slid right off the edge. “Eat something. Trust me. And don’t give me none of that, ‘I don’t wanna ruin my high’ shit, we got plenty to keep you stocked.”  
He couldn’t really argue with that. He stared at his plate for a moment while Will grabbed himself a beer, walking around to sit next to him with own plate. When Alex felt judging eyes on him, he reached down and took a bite of the pizza. Leaning his head back, he let out a soft moan at the taste, before quickly taking another bite.  
Will just laughed, taking a bite of his own slice. They ate like this in silence for a bit, simply enjoying the taste of booze and pepperoni. Maybe a minute or two passed until Will said something.  
“So, what’s with you?” The question was vague and didn’t give much for Alex to go on, but seemed very assured in itself. Will was confident that something was amiss, even if he didn’t know what. “I mean, you’re never this eager to get fucked up. Figured something's the matter.”  
Alex cast a glance over to Will, who took another bite of his pizza with no care in the world. His eyes were still a reddish pink around the edges, half-lidded and glossy from the beer and the weed. Will noticed the look and met Alex’s eyes before he could look away, locking him into the question.  
“Just… been thinkin’, is all.”  
Thinking was one way to put it. It was more like fantasizing. Daydreaming. As the year started, and Valentine’s Day grew closer, he just found himself feeling lonelier and lonelier. There was a difference between the occasional one-off dates he’d have, the fuck, and what he actually wanted; somebody to love. To truly love. Rom-com, fairytale ending style, where someone eventually comes along and Alex forgets about every problem in his life and they live happily-ever-after. This made him desperate for anyone who showed him the slightest bit of affection, and today it just got worse. It was Will, yeah, his mate, but suddenly it was Will. Not the dork that asks for subscribers all the time with the square head, but Will, the tall, fit, and handsome man who invites him over for blunts and beer. He remembers only a few hours ago when they were filming the video...  
-  
“So- this is where I’m going to slam you into the wall from here.”  
Will, smile wide, pauses the video. He turned to meet Alex’s eyes, shining and gleaming with an idea that Alex already knew before he opened his mouth. They just had to re-enact these fucking self-defense videos.  
“No,” Alex starts laughing. “You’re not doing this.”  
Will was already standing, straightening his jacket and pushing his chair in. “C’mon, Al, m’not paying you to sit on your ass, I’m payin’ to grab your ass,” he starts laughing, proud of his reference to the video.  
Alex could always blame the flush of his cheeks on the substances, but it felt like it was growing harder to hide. The pink shirt made it very easy to spot on his cheeks. Will made it even worse by leaning against the wall with those damn sweatpants on, looking cool and hot as fuck, jokingly asking Alex if he wants to get fingered. He looks over to Will who’s standing by the closet, arms out like he was waiting on Alex impatiently. Recognizing his fate, he stood up and pushed his chair in, making his way to Will.  
“So how do you want to do this?” Alex crossed his arms, looking up to meet Will’s eyes. While the younger seemed nervous and unsure, Will was objective to whatever he was feeling, simply only showing the cocky grin on his face.  
“Just throw a punch at me, yeah?”  
Alex furrowed his eyebrows and uncrossed his arms. “No.”  
“C’mon, mate, don’t be a pussy-”  
“I’m not punching you in the face, Will!” Alex laughed nervously, offended even by the suggestion. He wouldn’t hurt Will, he wouldn’t really hurt anybody. Alex isn’t the type to get into fights at all. Will stuck out his bottom lip, and Alex shook his head. “No, think of something else.”  
“Okay, just-” Will shifted his weight in his feet. “Throw a slow one at me. We’ll walk through it before we do it for real.”  
Alex pondered the thought, before realizing he couldn’t really say no to Will. He sighed loudly, licking his lips as he put up his fist. “So... he just…”  
Alex slowly moves his fist towards Will’s face. It all feels very awkward for a moment, as Will furrowed his eyebrows and looked towards the video for instruction it wasn’t providing. But before Alex could ease the tension with a joke, Will wrapped his left hand tightly around his wrist. It hurt for a moment, but Will eventually loosens up a bit.  
“Yeah?” Will asks.  
“Uh,” Alex thinks aloud, “Yeah. That seems about right.”  
Alex knew things were progressing at a normal speed, but it felt as if he was moving through molasses. Will raised his right hand and placed it on Alex’s forearm, causing goosebumps to raise as his cold fingers leaked through the warmth of his shirt. Alex looked away from Will, very aware of his blush now, making a half-assed glance towards the video before mumbling, “um, bit higher, I think.”  
Taking his advice, Will’s strong hand moved slowly up his arm until he rested it on his bicep, gripping it firmly, but not roughly. Alex forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat as Will let go of his wrist, the bare skin he was touching burning hot. Alex was beet red from his ears to the tips of his nose, his drunken gaze trying to avoid even looking at the other.  
“Y’okay? I’m not hurting you, am I?” Will froze in his place, his voice gentle and reassuring, even if his tone was shaky with a laugh.  
Alex scoffed, finally meeting his eyes. “I’m not fuckin’ glass, man, I’m fine.”  
Feeling more okay with it, Will adjusted his grip on his bicep, his fingers nearly wrapping all the way around it, he ensured his grip was tight before continuing. He looked over Alex’s shoulder to the video once, before meeting his gaze. Alex detected a small hint of discomfort in his eyes as he saw him swallow, then wet his lips. Will used the tips of his fingers to trace up his arm, guiding himself along where to go next. Alex knew his breath audibly hitched when Will’s fingers met the back of his neck, shivers shooting down at his spine. He thinks he maintained a neutral face, quickly averting his gaze to the closet instead.  
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Will watching his hand as he moved it down to the center of his shoulder blades. Before Alex could register what was happening, he was shoving Alex into the closet door.  
It was as gentle as it could be, but he could hear the items inside it rattle for a moment, and she closet door bounced and shook in response. His hand shot up to his left side to prevent some damage, but his left cheekbone his slightly as he turned his head so his nose didn’t collide. Nothing hurt, except his ego. Alex released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, panting slightly to get back to his normal pace. His fluttered eyes opened to see Will a few inches from his face, looking curiously at him to check if he’d hurt him. Alex didn’t know why he was suddenly all flustered and infatuated with Will, but it was driving him mad. Alcohol, he thought. It’s always the alcohol. It’s definitely not a deeply embedded crush that he’s let boil over into love. It definitely wasn’t the fact Alex loved Will.  
“I thought you were doing it slow,” Alex chuckled out nervously, and Will couldn’t but laugh a bit, too.  
“Can’t help it. You’re so easy to boss n’toss around.” Will lets go of him, and Alex remains still for a beat. His body was trying to get used to not having Will touching him, and he missed it. He wanted to just hug him, stay in his arms for his hours, like he was small and needed taking care of. He swallowed the lump in his throat again, his mouth suddenly running dry as they changed positions again. “Alright, the real deal, ready?”  
Alex paused. “You’ve got more alcohol, right?”  
Will looked at him like it was a dumb question. In truth, it was. Sighing, Alex threw his punch.

-

Alex pulled himself out of thoughts, staring at his drink. He used his thumb to wipe away the drops that fell from the rim.  
“Yeah, just thinking,” he assures.  
Will exhaled softly next to him, shifting softly so his body faces him a bit more. “What’s their name?” He asks, taking a bite of his pizza as if the question was a normal one.  
Alex pushed his plate away with nothing but the crust left, leaning back in the stool. He hated Will for knowing him too well, it was impossible to keep a damn secret around here. He crossed his arms, trying to figure out how to go about this. He can’t simply say the truth, but he couldn’t deny anything either without seeming suspicious. Will waited patiently, finishing his slice of pizza and reaching over and grabbing his crust. Alex could feel Will’s eyes watching him, and he turned and met them.  
“How’d you know it was a he?” Alex questioned, thinking he had just pitched a home run.  
“Didn’t,” Will admitted, taking a bite of the crust. “I said ‘their.’” Fuck. Alex quickly took a drink, trying to hide his embarrassed face, which only made Will start giggling. “You bellend! It is a guy!”  
“Fuck off, Will,” Alex was laughing nervously, pulling his sleeve down over his palm, resting his head on his hand, watching Will.  
“Mate, just because it’s a guy, doesn’t mean you can’t tell me about him,” Will offers, setting the crust down on his plate, completely forgetting about it. He throws his arms around Alex, who immediately relaxes into it like it was second nature. “Do I know him?”  
Alex simply doesn’t answer.  
“My god, you’re finally shagging James, aren’t you? I knew it, that flirting wasn’t just for the joke-”  
“Christ, it’s not James, why does everyone want me and James to shag?” Alex starts laughing, grabbing his drink with his free hand and sipping on it. Will inched himself closer as if to seem like he was ready to interrogate the younger one, but it did the exact opposite. Their legs brushed, causing Alex’s cheeks to turn bright pink.  
“You’re blushing! Is it George? All those hickeys, you said it was George, but he’s so insistent he’s straight-”  
“That was just a joke. George is way out of my league anyway,” he took another sip of his drink. He probably didn’t need to be getting any drunker, he could barely feel his face as it is. He drank anyway.  
“Well, who is it?” Will laughs, grabbing his own beer and sipping it happily. “C’mon, tell me, mate, I’ll wingman you.” Alex froze, the smile dropping from his face, staring down at the counter in an attempt to avoid his pressuring gaze. He could see Will furrow his eyebrows in his peripheral, still maintaining his smile when Alex fails to respond. “Who is it?” He repeats himself. Alex takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly while he finally meets his gaze. Though the alcohol blurred his vision a fair amount, he could still see the soft, delicate details on Will’s face. Alex didn’t say anything for the second time, hoping Will would simply understand. To his expectation, Will’s smile finally fell. “Who is it, Al?”  
Alex shifted his gaze away, a ping of guilt stabbing at his chest. He covered his mouth with his hand, rubbing at his chin and his lips, like he was trying to will the words to come out. “I’m sorry,” was the only thing he could think of.  
“Oh,” Will says, his eyes widening softly, finally understanding. He leaned back in his chair and took his arm off his shoulders, almost like the revelation had pushed him away from him. Alex felt the pain in his chest again. “Oh.”  
“Y’know, it’s nothing, it’s just, this time of year-” Alex rests his arms on the counter, clenching and unclenching his hands as he frustrates himself with how he’s explaining it. “Not that there’s anything wrong with you, it’s not that- I just- it’s you, and you’re so strong and fit, and my- my brain can’t handle being alone- and you were the first, I mean, not like there’s- oh, fuck off,” Alex covers his face with both hands as he stumbles over his words, his face bright red.  
A moment of silence passes again. There was nothing but Will shifting in his seat a little, causing Alex to eventually look over. He was a bit red in the cheeks, too, but seemed more composed than the younger. He was looking down, his gaze fluttering from left to right like he was trying to process the thought.  
“I’m sorry, Will, I get it if you’re uncomfortable, I can leave-”  
“No, no, I just didn’t expect it,” Will licked his lips, taking a breath before starting to speak again. “I mean, I’m straight, y’know, I’m mostly straight-”  
“Mostly?”  
“Let me continue!” He tries at a joke, but it seems to fizzle and burst under the pressure of the conversation, and neither laugh. “I mean- I’m usually… a 90-10 split, I mostly like girls, I’ve never, really… but I won’t lie, you are, you know- fairly attractive-”  
Alex put his hand up, “You don’t have to coddle me, man, just say no.”  
“That’s the thing, I’m not saying no,” he corrects, and Alex’s eyes widen a bit. He can see Will’s jaw clenching through his cheeks as he finally looked up and caught each other’s eyes. It was different than before - it felt like they were close, but equally distant, like a wall had just fallen between them. Alex’s nostrils burned, his body threatening to cry from embarrassment, but he didn’t say anything. Will took the chance to continue. “I mean… I’m saying maybe.”  
“What does that even mean?” Alex exhaled softly, a ghost of a laugh that only showed his disappointment.  
“It means I’m willing to try it. I mean I think I’m attracted to you,” Will bit his lip, leaning forward a bit. Alex’s breath hitched as he got closer, as if he feared what was about to happen next, or rather the unknown. The thing was, it was deeper than attraction. It wasn’t just lust, it was stronger. The roots of it weren’t quite love yet, but it was that moment right before he truly fell. He could see it coming, like the undertow of a wave, he was about to fall in love. No, it was far deeper than ‘attraction,’ it was-  
“I… think I fancy you, actually,” Will muttered, fumbling with his words like he was just as nervous as Alex was. “M’not just drunk, I… I really think I’m in l-”  
“If you say you love me right now, I will not hesitate to knock you the fuck out,” Alex practically whined out, his bottom lip quivering. He didn’t know why he was about to cry. Maybe it was just the intensity of the moment. He willed himself not to cry, but his body was showing the signs even though no tears fell.  
Will reached out his hand, his cold fingertips touching the side of Alex’s neck, his thumb stroking his jaw and his cheek. “Okay,” he responded, and he didn’t say he loved him. But both of them knew, so it was almost already spoken. Neither moved an inch for a moment.  
“I...Me too,” Alex eventually responded. “I think… I think I am too.”  
Alex saw the corners of Will’s lips twitch up into a smile for a moment, and he couldn’t resist it anymore. He leaned forward quickly, catching his lips before he could protest. Will breathed into it, hesitating like he didn’t quite know what to do yet. Alex brought his hands up the cup his cheeks. Will finally eased up a bit, kissing back excitedly, wrapping his arms around his waist. It was just like Alex imagined, strong and safe. He couldn’t help but smile into it, pulling away after a brief moment.  
Will looked flustered, but not unhappy. His eyes were bleary and beaming towards him. Will only pecked his lips once, his thumbs rubbing circles into Alex’s back.  
“Al?” He whispered, leaning forward so their noses and foreheads slightly. Will’s eyes fell shut, as he’d finally relaxed.  
“Yeah?”  
After a moment of silence, Will pulled his head back to look into Alex’s shining eyes. “So are you my boyfriend now?”  
He couldn’t help but laugh, thinking of all the jokes that would be made at their expense. If George or James ever found out, they would be mocked into oblivion. Somehow, that seemed worth it. Alex nods, running his fingers through Will’s soft hair before he leaned forward, kissing the corner of his lips. Something about this just felt so right. He knew he’d fucked up, now. The undertow was gone, and the wave was crashing over both of them. Like the floor was ripped from underneath Alex, he fell for him, hard and fast. He knew at some point this would all go away, where the flame would die down or burn out completely. He knew eventually they’d fight, he could only hope that somehow they’d make it through. With the dawn, there is always established dusk, but if you get through that, you’ll see the sun once again. Alex wasn’t afraid. He had no reason to be. He put his full trust in Will, in that one moment, as he kissed him once again. He knew right before he’d hit the ground, Will would catch him - because that’s what boyfriends do.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I realize now they don't act too completely out of it like being crossfaded but... entertainment over reality i suppose. Please leave a comment and some kudos!  
> I'd really appreciate if you subscribe to this account as I plan on posting more in the future, with updates available on tumblr!  
> Tumblr: @fpskaiju  
> Twitter: @smoochyslinky


End file.
